Sunday, May 1, 2011

"If You Ask Me....I'm Ready"

At this point, I'm just about to be brutally honest.  Brutally honest to the point where I'm going to express myself in a way that I normally do not allow myself to do.  As uncomfortable as this feels, someone has to hear it.


Last year I met an amazing soul.
We were rather good friends & I could feel that we had a deep connection as well as chemistry.
& I honestly think that this guy was feeling me (or somewhere along the lines of that)
Too damn bad I realized all of this after the fact....
After the fact that we have now grown apart.
At the time, I was blind.
I only saw what was in front of me & I didn't even bother to look deeper.
Maybe I'm shallow.....

Honestly, now I don't even know where we stand.
We are both so damned stubborn & full of pride.
Of course, I'm just a frustrated & confused girl.
I really just want this to be over because I'm like this:
Either you wanna be my friend or let's be nothing. (Of course maybe we could be more than that)
But I guess what I'm trying to say is that, give me all of you or nothing AT ALL.
No half way.
No wishy-washy.
No half-ass B.S.

The saddest part of all this is that it's already been long- over due, yet I still feel this way.
So maybe I need to express this to you personally.
Because nothing is going to change...
IDK why everytime I hear that Alicia Keys song "Unthinkable" I think of you.
IDK why you totally are not my type, but you absolutely are my type in every way.
& IDK why I see you the way that I see you:
As a man with so much potential, intelligence, strong, & MY FRIEND.
Sadly, you are only a fair-weather friend though.
What I need is a stable friend.
One who will answer my calls, texts, & possibly thinks that the world revolves around me (lol).
But I don't really know if you can be that; so in other words, my time & emotions are things I will never get back.
I can't swallow my pride enough to tell you this though, & I probably never will.
For one, there is a fear of rejection.
So Mr. Anonymous, I guess you shall never know.

        Your Warmsugavanilla

"A Breath of Fresh Air"

 What a beautiful Easter I shared with my precious family :)  I hope you all did the same!  This above picture is my little sister (Jaylon) & I after church.  They say we look alike....but I don't see it haha.

SN: I love that amazing moment when you are truly worshiping God & thanking him for all of his many blessings & all of a sudden, you come to tears.  Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of knowing that you are loved unconditionally by a Man who wants nothing more than the BEST for you & for ME:)  We have the love of God.
 I absolutely hate this picture of myself, but I adore it only because my niece looks precious.  She is growing so fast!
This is her little sailor-girl outfit:)
It's so incredible to watch her as she grows....& as she grows so much of her personality has begun to show & she is blossoming:)  She is truly the sweetest thing xoxo.

OAN: Classes are over & let me say that this has been the most difficult time for me not only for school, but LIFE as well.  S T R E S S  is the best way to describe it.  The pressure & struggles from work & let's not forget about my Kia have caused me to loose focus & possibly even my motivation.  But I REFUSE to let anyone take my joy away from me, & I also refuse to let anyone define me.  Only God defines me.  This Summer will be me climbing back to the top.  It will be me "Moving mountains"......& me jumping over hurdles.  I will ENDURE.  I am STRONG.  I am FAITH:)

        Your Warmsugavanilla